don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Lost between what's right and what I want. Is it ever the same thing? I don't know. I've been saying that a lot lately. What are you doing after school? I don't know. Where do you want to get a job? I don't know. Why don't you try something new for a change? I don't know. When will you grow up? I don't know. Who are you?

I don't know. 

I'm stuck. I'm bored and I'm wasting time. And I think the worst part is that it's not even my time to waste. I'm putting my own personalized pause on God's plan for my life because I can't figure anything out. I want to do it all by myself. I want the credit, I want the control. But I don't want the responsibility. It's like I expect everything to be handed to me and that's the end. No one gets anything in return, that's just the way it works. I get what I want, and then I run with it. No thanks necessary. No skills necessary. 

No. Effort. Necessary. 

I'm waiting for something amazing to happen. I get frustrated when it doesn't. I yell out, 'God you're late! You didn't meet my deadlines! What am I supposed to do now?' when all I really need is the patience for God's timing that I don't have. I'm so busy looking for an answer when I haven't even listened to the question. How does that work? It doesn't. It can't. And I can't just accept the fact that I'm never going to know every detail. I'm not going to know why I need to make a certain decision. I don't know what I need. Only God knows that. I've been too focused on what I should do rather than what I can do. And that question I've been missing? God is asking; 'What do you want?'

I don't know.