sometimes happen.

What is to be, will be. And what isn't to be, will sometimes happen. When does it become clear as to which is which? In an uncontrollable circumstance; supposed to, not supposed to. In a decision only possible to be made by yourself; right, wrong. In a simple question; yes, no. And when will you be sure you know how to let one slide? You're so sure it's not meant to go one way, but you're out of practice and you're not sure how to change it. What if you change something that wasn't wrong? What if it was supposed to feel so out of place in order for miracle to shine through? How do you admit defeat and let it? You doubt the plan and you try to fix something that isn't broken. I try to fix it. What if that's the point? Every time I doubt my future or where I'm supposed to be or even who I'm supposed to be, I have a choice to make. Do I sit down with my personal timeline and map it out all on my own or do I trust that wherever I'm supposed to be, He'll get me there? Faith. I almost wanna say it sucks. It's my nature to want to control things I don't understand. I don't understand me, and I have no control over that. I am who I'm supposed to be. Now all I have left to do is make myself as open and available as possible so that I can be used for the reason I was created. That means I don't get to see the game plan. Because if I see it... My plans for me will interfere with the predestined. I know I'm impatient. I want to get to that place I'm meant for right now. I want to be healed and I want to be let in on the secret. It's getting harder to let go of my wants and fears and just accept that I'll be ok in the end. I want the end right now. But I have a choice every time I doubt I'm in the right place.. Or the right time to move.. Or the right thing to say to make something go in a specific direction. I can choose to think it's all up to me and believe I have the power to change my path. I can choose to 'know' what's best for me. I can choose to turn my back on the one who loved me before I was made. Or, I can choose to blind fold myself, tie my hands behind my back and step off the ledge. To trust Him. One of those choices is easy. But it gives me false hope and sets me back- me and my impatient self. The other is much more frightening. But much more worth the rewards. I trust him, my faith grows, I share my story, I get eternal happiness. He knows my future. He planned it just for me and He knows I'll love it. Getting there is the scary part. But who would choose against it? He planned this time for me. I want to use it. I want the most out of it and I'm ready to take the leap. Forgive me if I cry a lot these next few months.. Ehh... Slash years. I'm scared but I won't let that get in the way. I will push through it. And He will meet me at the end. Even if the things I don't want to happen, sometimes happen.