charity case.

No, that's not exactly what it is, but it kinda feels that way. I don't want to feel like just my family isn't good enough. This is the first year I belong to a whole family since my dad left us and the first idea they have for the holidays is to go spend it with strangers so we won't feel alone? I love being alone with my family. I realize it must be hard for my mom to go from my dads huge family gatherings to nothing... But we have each other now. I want that to be enough. I don't want to go to someone else's family gathering in order to make us feel more important. That's when it feels like a charity case. It's like.. Oh that poor family doesn't have anywhere to go for the holidays. Let's invite them over so they don't feel left out of anything. We'll try to make them feel part of something special. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the thought immensely. But I'd rather feel special by being surrounded by the people I love than people I barely know. And technically, I'm an adult. I don't have to do anything I don't want to. I could go spent the day with my dad even though legally, it's my moms year for the 'kids'. But that's the thing. I'm not a 'kid' anymore. I guess this is what they mean when they say they don't want to be alone on the holidays. If I still had you, I could skip all this awkwardness. I could be your family. We could do this together, make the rounds. I could meet every family member you ever had and you could tell me that I'll never have to choose between families again or where to spend christmas because as long as I have you, I'm home. But that's not the case anymore. I just want to be with people I love. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough. Even if I'm all they have.

Because you're good enough for me. You're all I want.