the same.

As much as I wish it could be, it won't. Too much has happened. I tried to pretend like it didn't matter, but I couldn't do that very well. I tried to get over it as fast as it happened but sometimes the consequences are a little more affecting than the act itself. So that didn't work out too well either. I hate feeling like this. Like everything I've ever known wasn't real. I tell myself that I'm ready, but maybe I'm not. I want to be ready for everything, but I think in reality I'd rather just run away and start over somewhere else where no one knows who I am or who I've been. Being me is too hard to explain.. Especially since I'm still trying to figure out who that is. I know who I want to be, but that isn't always the best plan. Having a plan at all is kinda silly.. Because I'm not in charge here. If I was, all of this wouldn't have happened. I'd still be your best friend. He'd have been a better parent. She'd learn to forgive me for everything I never did. And you'd still love me. None of that was in my plan. But it happened. I wish it could all be the same. But it never will be. It will never go back. I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing or not. If it stayed, I'd be different. I don't mind the changes I've gone through, I just wanted it to happen without all the hard stuff. Then, that's nearly impossible. Where would the change come from if life was exactly the way you wanted it to be? How else do you grow into the person you were meant to be? And who would I be now if I was the same?