it wasn't.

The more I reflect, the more I'm convinced that I wasn't ready. I wanted it, I thought I needed it. I was so consumed that I refused to see what I was really doing to myself. What I was really doing to you. I thought I was in love. Actually, I knew I was. There was no way anyone could have told me otherwise. I was blind to any objections, any instructions, even advice. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right then. I was impatient and I was reckless. Just like you said. I was being irresponsible with my own heart as well as yours. I thought I had it all figured out. I had it under control... I used you is what happened. I wasn't strong in my faith and you were, and I tested it. I was selfish and I was greedy. I wanted all the joy and completion that comes with love but I was underprepared, even unwilling to give you the same. I was afraid to let you in, and I lied to you to hide from my sins. I rushed into your heart with a disregard for your feelings and I regret to say that I cared more about 'me with you', rather than just you like I should have. It was not my intention to hurt you, but I fear I did anyway. 

Promise me... not to awaken love until the time is right." (Song of Songs)

I had it in my head that you were it. Maybe it is you.. I guess i won't know until I reach the end. But when it came to being the right time, for us or for me at all, it wasn't. And I'm sorry.