What is it all for? I've had a really hard time being positive these last few days. They've been a constant downhill slope and I'm falling. And it's icy. And gravity increased. And I can't see the bottom! But down I go. Everything from school to home is bugging me, and I can't seem to just let my anger out. I end up venting about nothing because really, nothing is as bad as I'm making it. Pretty much, I sound like a broken record. "People in class this. People at work that. People driving slow in front of me, and they're so doing it on purpose!" Don't think I didn't try to get out of my funk. I've prayed to find a way out. I've read scriptures. I've changed clothes three times today! I listened to Coldplay. I breathe, deeply. I whine. And then I sulk. Nothing is working. I vent nothingness some more. So I'm in this totally bum mood, right? Bad idea. Tonight was 'el night the first one-o' of a new small group some friends and I are all creating. Yeah, not really feeling up to it. Plus, now i'm nervous. I mean, what if it totally bombs?? But I made a commitment. So I go.
OH, EM, GEE. Why do I ever doubt you Jesus?
There he is. Sitting in the corner, reading his science book. He was a little apprehensive about coming tonight, he doesn't believe in God. He's angry. He's mad at the church, but something You said to him made him come. I've been in a funk for two days.. He's been in a funk for two years. And yet, he's here. Willing to listen, curious about what we'll say. He used to live by You. He used to shine with Your love. He's been broken. He's seeking support and conversation. What he got was a shock. I invited him to come. I was on fire, I was in a good place when I asked him all those days ago. And he was intrigued. Something made him go. Something made me go. Something made me go in a bad mood. Get to the point? Ok. He thought he was going to be the only person there tonight that was struggling. He thought he'd get answers. He thought we would have them. Not only did I not have answers, but I wasn't the only other one having a rough day! Every single person came tonight with a problem. I've been stressed and frustrated. She's been pressured to be the best. He's just had his share of heartbreak. She's been discouraged by fellow church-goers. She's just about fed up with religion all together. We were all compelled to go tonight. We were a sour bunch.
He noticed.
He related.
He trusted.
After we all admitted our struggles and how we're trying to cope, the most amazing thing happened. Simple. We encouraged each other. We shared all the good things God has done in our lives. We discussed books that tell of Gods miracles, speeches that moved us. We all wanted the same thing: A stronger relationship, a deeper love. And the one who didn't believe in God started remembering all the things he used to stand for. He opened up. Accepted our enthusiasm, brought his own to the table. This budding flower once inspired me to follow You, Lord. Have the tables turned? I saw fire in his eyes. I saw a hunger for more. I saw a transformation. You are with us when things go well, You are with us when we go off the rocker. As long as we keep trusting in You, we'll go. We go, and we go, and we go. It's hard. And it's good. The going can change in a split second, and it will most likely change when we least expect it. The important thing is that we just go. This was no coincidence.
Oh goodness, Jesus, You knew. Didn't You? You knew he would never listen and put his guard down if we were like all the people who'd ever hurt him. You knew he had to be convinced that we weren't perfect. He never would have given You a second thought if he was right. But You made sure we all met him in his trial. He needed to know he wasn't alone. Hey... Wait a second... You purposely put me in a bad mood! That's awesome! He has no chance against you. You want him. You'll have him. This was a wonderful experience, I can't wait to watch everything progress. Oh and if he needs a little more reassurance next week, can we maybe pick something other than a bad mood?? Thanks. I love You and goodnight!
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